HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE
Real Hope In Real Times Part 14
Text - 1 Peter 3:1-7
Introduction
Tonight I am going to continue with my series of messages from the book of First Peter. The title of this series of messages is, “Real Hope In Real Times.” Our text is found in 1 Peter 3:1-7 and the title of my message is, “How To Maintain Your Marriage.” By the way, I want you to realize tonight that I’m not a perfect husband and I have also made many mistakes and still do. This Friday Debra and I will be celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary. So I have asked her to help me preach this message. During the past 27 years we have both grown in our love for one another as well as in our knowledge and wisdom in how to maintain a marriage.
This last week I had to do some maintenance on our truck and change the front breaks. I realized that they needed to be checked and changed when I started to hear a squeaking noise coming from them. If you don’t change your breaks as soon as you start hearing that noise it will eventually turn into a grinding noise and eventually you won’t have any breaks at all.
Marriage is the same way. It needs to be maintained or eventually you won’t have a marriage any longer.
Now I know not all of you are married so before you turn me off and go to another channel I want you to know that the principles Peter mentions in this passage can also be applied to any kind of relationship whether it is at work with your boss or co-workers, with a neighbor, a fellow church member, a boy friend or girl friend.
This winter I have been watching a lot of the snowboarding and skiing events on TV since Kimberly has been in Mammoth and I have noticed that most all of them start out on a very high mountain and end up at the bottom. That is also the way it is with many relationships. They start out on a real high, but end up at the very bottom because they have not been maintained properly.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work that way. We first decide the value of what was insured and then give you a new one of comparable worth." After a long pause Susan replied, "If that’s the case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
In order to understand the principles Peter points out in this passage I’d like us to look at three different ways to live life.
First, I can live it other’s way. That means I subject myself to others doing what they say to make them happy. This is when you are a doormat for others to walk on you. It is when you are doing what others say because you have to. You act like a turtle and hide in your shell.
Second, I can live my way. I do what I want because I think I am better than everyone else. This is when you are acting like a tank and are rolling over everyone. Living my way is acting like a tiger and clawing your way to the top.
But Peter says that these first two ways don’t work and that I need to live my life God’s way. There is one word that best describes living God’s way. It is unselfishness. We need to learn to be unselfish in our relationships. The ability to be unselfish is one of the main ingredients to bringing hope back into your relationships.
Why is it so important that I learn how to be unselfish in my relationships?
James 4:1 Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? (Everyone Read) They come from the selfish desires that war within you. (NCV)
Selfishness is the source of CONFLICTS
At the root of every argument, quarrel or fight is selfishness. Now, I know some of you are saying right now that it is the other person in your life who is being selfish, but the point is, someone is being selfish, and sometimes it is you or me.
(Everyone Read) Proverbs 28:25 Selfishness only causes trouble. (TEV)
The key to bringing a new sense of hope and peace into your home or your relationships is unselfishness. It can help you find some common ground in the battle ground that your relationship might have become.
WRITE THIS DOWN: “I can never be happily married to another until I get a divorce from myself.”
If you want your relationship to live, you have to die to yourself. I believe it would be safe to say that in over 20 years as a pastor I have done literally hundreds of hours of marriage counseling, and yet, I have never seen two unselfish people ever get a divorce. I have never had anyone come into my office and say, "I want out of this marriage. My spouse is being too good or too nice to me."
As we examine our text tonight there are five characteristics of unselfishness that Peter gives to us.